We have very little control over anything, and I want to keep finding ways to see beauty and hope in every situation.
With five weeks left in my pregnancy, I should probably be freaking out more than I am. Things are starting to feel pretty real around our house as we scramble to finish Geo’s “big boy” room and the new nursery for our baby girl. Ready or not, family of four, here we come!
I remember having similar mixed emotions before Geo arrived two years ago: Trepidation of the unknown combined with anticipation and, of course, excitement. But now that I know more about babies and motherhood, I’m pretty sure that having two kids (under the age of two!) is going to be challenging. Even though we are beyond excited to meet this little girl growing in my belly, we are about to transition from one chapter in our lives into another. The reality is that our days alone with Geo are coming to an end, and I wonder if we’ve done enough for him. Did we create enough memories? Give him enough of us? I want him to continue feeling so loved. What will our new routine look like? Will I be able to keep up with managing a growing small business? And don’t even get me started on all the other unknowns happening in 2020. A global pandemic, a dubious president, insane racial injustice, and the list just keeps getting longer.
So I just keep focusing on what I can do to make my daughter’s world as safe and welcoming as possible. One of my main goals right now is to prepare my body physically and mentally for delivery. All the hospital and visitation rules are different now because the world is different now. It’s easy to let my anxiety get the best of me, but what matters most is that I remain calm, focus on the present moment, breathe, and take it as it unfolds. I’m very thankful to my friend, Stephanie Gradone, a personal trainer who offers a prenatal fitness program called BirthFit. She’s been sending me at-home workouts which help me feel more connected to my body and breath. This has been so helpful, and I'd recommend her class to any mothers-to-be out there who are currently looking for a perfect way at home to prepare their bodies for labor.
I trust that my daughter will arrive exactly when she is supposed to, and I know it’s not the end of the world if everything doesn’t “get done” exactly as I’ve envisioned. But still...so many changes. I had never envisioned having a boy, and then Geo arrived—and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He’s been a dream and a half, and now it’s hard to imagine what having a little girl will be like. I can’t wait to meet her, see her at first glance, hold her, and have those first couple nights with just her and Scott. She’s the one we’ve been waiting for during quarantine, and I can’t wait to become her mama. I know with all my heart she will bring light and magic to this world.
When we began to think about where these two babies are going to sleep and what we need to do to make room for our new addition, it all felt completely overwhelming and exhausting. There’s something about decorating a nursery that makes me feel so overwhelmingly responsible and emotional—like it’s the biggest to-do ever. It’s like the first step of imagining what reality will be like when your little one is here in your arms. It’s a bit like painting a picture of her future. I want it to feel like a special place that honors the start of her journey. So yeah...no pressure, right?
Geo’s nursery was meticulously thought out and planned. I contemplated every decision for weeks. For my daughter’s nursery, I started by throwing things in her room somewhat randomly to see if I liked it, but now I’m loving how this eclectic space is coming together. It has a calm and pretty vibe that feels peaceful and beautiful for her—and me.
There are plenty of pretty pink things, hearts, family heirlooms, Geo keepsakes, hand-me-down clothes, and other bits and pieces I’ve fallen in love with (like the “Drama” pillow from Tweed Baby). The vintage lamps, rugs, and curtains tie the room together in a beautiful way. Basically, my daughter’s nursery is an explosion of everyone who loves her.
It’s not all anxiety, by the way. This pregnancy has also stirred up a lot of creativity.
Did you know my Lines Collection was inspired by my pregnancy with Geo? When painting the first two Linea prints, I used a specific process of letting go of my preconceived notions or expectations—like childbirth. The reality is that we can plan all we want, but things never quite go the way we think they will. I’ve found it really helpful to be as prepared as possible, and then let go of as many expectations as possible, rolling with whatever unfolds. Easier said than done, but the intention is there.
My hope for 2020 is to take nothing for granted and to keep discovering new ways to find beauty in the chaos. I am thankful for this experience and I pray for peace, resolution, and joy along the way.
P.S. For the moms, dads, and teachers of kids who are juggling virtual school, working from home, and keeping everyone in the house fed and functional, I see you! I wanted to applaud you (or in this case, high-five you!) and your efforts as you continue to navigate everything going on right now. This month's Free Download is for you! Please download the art and then pass it on to a teacher or parent that you know could use a virtual high-five today!